What to Do with a Toddler Who Talks Too Much
“Morning to night. Talk, talk, talk. My child is an incessant chatterbox!” Amanda loved her daughter, but the talking seemed non-stop!
“Where do turtles come from, Mommy?”
“Emily has a pet turtle.”
“How do you know my name, Mommy?”
“We should get a pet turtle.”
“I can carry this much.” [Spreads arms out wide]
“What do turtles eat?”
“Emily is this many.” [Holds up 3 fingers.]
“Do turtles have bellybuttons?”
“Can we get a pet cow?”
“Do turtles have to take naps?”
“When I grow up, I want to be a turtle.”
A little nonstop-talker can be challenging for even the most patient parent. What’s a parent to do?
Understanding Why Your Child Talks Too Much
Simply understanding a little more about how your child’s brain works can go a long way in knowing how to deal with the incessant chatter. Here are a few reasons why your little one may be talking your ears off.
Inner voice
Young children do not have what science calls inner voice. This means that they must process their thinking out loud. So, while adults process thoughts in their brain, young children process them with their voice.
Children eventually develop inner voice and consequently grow out of “talking through” their thoughts. But in the meantime, it is important for parents to realize that when we ask a child to stop talking, we are actually asking them to stop thinking.
The Need for Connection
Another reason why a child may talk a lot is he/she is seeking connection. Children are born with a genuine need to be emotionally connected to their parents. God created them this way so that parents can have a strong influence on their moral and mental development.
Children seek for connection in different ways, and one of those ways is talking. Asking a child to be quiet may deny him/her of this much needed connection and can contribute to the development of anxiety or insecurity in the child.
The solution? When your child talks, stop what you are doing, get down on his level, look him/her in the eye, and listen. If he continues to talk, continue to engage in the conversation. You may even want to hold him/her on your lap while you talk. Yes, this may mean that you don’t get anything else done in your day, but you will get the most important work done – building security in the heart of your child.
(This doesn’t mean that you can’t converse with your child throughout the day as you work or do other activities together; however, a child who is seeking connection often needs the extra bit of connection that stopping other activities and getting down on the child’s level and can provide.)
High intelligence
Talking a lot can actually be sign of high intelligence. If this is the case, it may be that the child needs more practical things to do in his/her day that draw out the child’s thinking powers.
Take your child outside every day and give him/her plenty of opportunity to explore nature. Hand-on experience in nature puts a child’s mind in contact with the Infinite and will challenge his/her mind in a way that no other environment can.
Add some practical home responsibilities to this daily outdoor time. Even a 3 or 4-year-old can be taught how to do laundry and take an active role in planning and preparing meals. The parent can help, of course, but if the child feels like it is his/her responsibility to accomplish these tasks, his brain will be challenged by the task.
Benefits of having a talkative child
Although you may feel like there cannot be any possible benefit to listening to one more story about how fast a dog can run, there are numerous benefits to allowing your child to talk.
It builds connection.
“My teen won’t talk to me!” is a common complaint of parents everywhere. This may seem hard to believe for the parent of a chatterbox toddler.
The toddler years is the time to build a relationship of connection and communication between parent and child. If parents aren’t deliberate about building this relationship with their child when he is 3, the results will be seen later in life.
On the other hand, if mom and dad are willing to keep listening and responding through the toddler years, a connection will be built between parent and child that will likely stay strong through the teen years.
It develops a strong brain.
Because a young child thinks with his voice, talking actually encourages thinking.
It builds communication skills.
Strong communication skills are one of the key predictors to success in life. As a parent, you can strengthen these skills by avoiding the typical response of “Uh-huh. That’s nice, honey,” and instead respond to your child intelligently – like a true conversation partner.
What to do with a talkative child
1. Be thankful for him/her.
The talkativeness is an opportunity for learning, connection, brain-building, and more.
2. Answer your child’s questions.
Questions are opportunities to encourage learning and to build relationship.
As parents, we often want to teach children when we want to teach them and what we want to teach them, but learning happens best when it is a result of a child’s curiosity. If curiosity is encouraged and guided, a child will continue the learning process as long as he lives.
On the other hand, if your child sees that you are not willing to take the time for his/her questions, he/she will eventually stop coming to you with his questions. This may seem like a relief to a parent – peace and quiet at last!! – but if a child has no one to answer his questions, then he will stop thinking of questions. If he stops thinking of questions, then his learning will suffer.
3. Exhibit enthusiasm for learning.
While you should definitely be willing to answer your child’s questions, occasionally you might consider exploring, experimenting, and discovering the answer together rather than giving a quick answer.
Children learn well through hands-on exploration. For example, if your child asks, “Why do we have to water our tomato plants?”, suggest that you set aside one plant to not water and see what happens when we don’t “water our tomato plants”. Then, later, talk about the results you see.
4. Use your child’s questions and comments as character-building conversation-starters.
There will seldom be a time when a child is more open to your influence about a particular topic than the moment when he/she asks a question about that topic.
For example, when Monica’s four-year-old daughter asked, “Why can’t I have as many toys as Laura has?”, Monica resisted the temptation to blurt out a quick answer and instead took the time to ask her daughter some thought questions and nurtured a rich and meaningful conversation about their family’s values and the benefits of having fewer toys, as well as where true happiness comes from.
What could have been a 30-second quick reply turned into a 40-minute conversation that helped to instill values, teach reasoning skills, and build a bond, which ultimately led to a tender toddler confession, “I’m glad you’re my mommy.”
Conversations don’t always turn out so sweet and affirming, but one thing is for certain: the more we invite our children’s presence and conversation, the deeper our connection with them will be.
Your Patience Rewarded
Yes, after hearing, “Mommy” 4,672 times a day, your head may feel like it’s about to explode, but be encouraged! This too shall pass, and if handled well, you and your child will both be the better for it.
